Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
