My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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