don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
