So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
