You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
