You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
