Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
