I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.