hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.