And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me