they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
