if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister