Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
