I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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