walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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