Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
