I am spending my child support on dildos
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
