i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
