Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
