i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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