Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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