your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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