turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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