Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
