is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
