video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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