Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
