Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
