Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
