tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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