I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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