remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
