so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
