Duck Duck Cougar?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
