I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
