Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
