i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
