When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
