Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
