i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
