ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize