i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
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Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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