SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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