I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
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It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
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What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
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