I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
