If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
