Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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