Someone shit on the floor
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
