I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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