I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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