So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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