She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize