yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
