wakey wakey hands off snakey
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
