We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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