Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
