Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
