she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
