just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
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You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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