he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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