so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
