I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
