I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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