Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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